In 2010, I officially declared myself Soul Starved. Void of all life nutrients. From the outside, I had a wonderful life that included a brand-new home, marriage, corporate job and an adventurous social life. And yet I was still thirsty. The path was about to change in a horrifying and needed way. A universal punch in the face took it all away and I realized it was officially time to pivot.
School of Hard Knocks:
· I was a child who suffered from deep anxiety, the earliest memory being 5yrs old. That manifested into full blown depression as a teenager who carried out quite the destructive acts.
· In my early twenties I received two reconstructive surgeries to fix a collapsing jaw & face, that forever altered my physical appearance. Physical deformity was the first major transformation I went through in this life time.
· During the recession I lost my job, my house, my marriage, all financial security and my mother. All at once and in less than one year.
When one loses almost everything in their life, you are offered a choice.
Remain the Victim or Rise.
To be honest, I chose victim first and then I "grew" better.
I needed to give myself the space to process, decompress and find my own answers to what the hell just happened. It wasn’t a luxury, it was survival. I had to do it without financial or emotional support.
I found Yoga.
I moved to a different state without a plan.
I left the corporate world for good.
I detoxed from being an alcoholic.
I created a space for not only the answers but for bigger questions. Why? Rock bottom is just that. The empty bottom. I had nowhere lower to go. I choose to rise and that meant I had to get into the arena with myself and see what I was made of.
The unbeaten path of Soul Growth is undefinable.
Today the work continues, because life isn’t perfect and I will never have all the answers. I don’t need to be fixed. None of us do. We just need to be empowered, inspired and love.
In April 2016, I began my Quest to support myself and others in the beautiful marriage of colliding the inner and outer worlds to obtain personal freedom. I truly believe that is the intimate space where we come alive.
*My dialogue isn’t the only dialogue that counts. Our collective dialogue is what heals, what feeds and what is needed. And it must have width to become medicinal.
I learned the power of Story. I learned the power of connection.
I want to share my story in hopes to connect with like-minded people. Our stories can heal and empower. What happens from there isn’t to be micro-managed, just celebrated in a million separate ways, in a million assorted colors.
*This knowledge was handed down to me through multiple teachings by Clarissa Estes.